It can be the hardest thing you ever do.

One step. One single step.

You may find it difficult to put you shoes on. You may find it difficult to lace them up. I promise you though, it is nothing compared to what you are about to do. What you need to do.

One step.

The difficulty comes in the knowledge. The, understanding, that also comes with it. It is the knowledge that once you do this, nothing can be the same. Possibilities, change. Uncertainty, is all there is.

A single step.

It is that feeling. That feeling that you are giving in. That feeling that just, feels, wrong. It feels, off. You can feel it, deep in the pit of you. A place that feels connected to everything else inside of you. You worry that, by doing this, that feeling deep inside, might pull everything else away that it’s connected to. The problem is, only you can feel it. Nobody else, is feeling what you are. Nobody else, understands the damage you are about to cause to yourself.

One step.

The knowledge that comes, shows itself in its own truth, and screams, demanding an answer that no one can give you. They will tell you that they have to believe, it will be alright. That is because they have to believe. That belief is their security blanket, their guardian against the reality, against the truth. Because they don’t know if you will be alright. It is their words, meant to reassure themselves, because they don’t know, and they don’t want to think of the possibility that you won’t be, alright.

One fucking step.

That’s all it takes to wipe out, your life. To take it, and flip it on its head, and kick it in the teeth. That’s alright. It is going to happen, because you need it to happen. You cannot go anywhere, if you don’t. Everything, is going to be wrong, and off, for a while. How long? I have no idea. It really does not matter though, you have to do it.

One damn step.

It is the hardest thing you will ever do. Taking that first step after an emotional earthquake has destroyed everything around you, will show you that your levels of difficulty, just jumped in a TARDIS and zipped somewhere else that allows you to realize the level that difficulty can actually be.

Taking that step sucks. It has no positive reason. It has no good outcome. It shows nothing but pain, misery, and torment. At least, none that you can see. That is why it is so difficult. It is the emotional equivalent of slamming your face down in a camp fire. A stupid thing to do, that really makes no sense as to why you would want to.

The step has to be taken. Not doing so, is not an option. It must be done.

The shoes are on. They are laced up, but my feet don’t want to walk anymore. I don’t want to take that step. I have to, because the option of not doing so, is out of my hands. I have to, because not doing it, means stopping. It means, not fighting. I cannot stop fighting, because my Fight or Flight response is broken. I don’t know how to not fight. So, i have to take that damn step.

You do too. You know why?

Because Dory said so, and you don’t want to disappoint Dory do you?

(Just keep swimming)

I hate my shoes. Enjoy what you do.