How many tears do you have to shed, to fill an ocean?

When faced with less than our ideal situations, the world can seem to bring down with it, a crushing weight that tries to drive our souls to a depth, that it is only matched by the ocean. Many times the weight of that force makes us look toward ourselves, seeking an answer that is not always there. What did I do? Why is this happening? Why am I treated this way?

Whatever the questions may be, like tears, they are merely drops in an ocean. They are lost among the presence of so many others, that the single drop, no longer matters. The collection of drops, becomes the force that means to crush you. The ocean becomes an enemy to who you are, or want to be.

To one who has never experienced this, it is truly, an unknown. The imagination will only take you so far. To those that have experienced this, or are experiencing this, you know what I mean. The drowning sensation. The weight. The way the mind turns into a mass of unorganized thoughts, and reeling emotions. The weight of the ocean crashing down on you at every second, every minute, every hour, of every day.

Add to this, those who cannot help, and the ocean becomes larger. Those who do not know, think that they can force you into being “better”, by trying to get you to do something that they determine to be the right thing that is needed, when they really have no idea what that is. Sometimes, this is because they do not know what it is you are experiencing, and other times… It is cowardice. Not yours. Theirs.

Fear. The fear of not knowing how to help. The fear of doing something wrong. The fear of facing their own issues. The fear of facing their own problems.

You hear a lot of people use the saying of “face your fears”, and although I do agree with this to a measure, I believe there is something that needs to be done in addition to it… Understand your fears. And doing this, is fairly simple, if you use one of my favorites words… Why? Why am I afraid of this? Honesty with yourself is a major factor here. If you are not sure that you are being honest with yourself, ask again. And keep asking until you know for certain. When you start to understand the reasons behind those fears, commitment, crowds, judgement, whatever they may be… you can begin to actually move toward a workable solution.

I will give a small example; Ants. I hate ants. I lose my shit, when I see ants. Especially in my house. For years, I didn’t understand why I lost it around ants. Until, I really began to ask myself why. I began to learn about ants. Absolutely, fascinating creatures. The amount of weight they can carry, compared to body size. Startling. The construction, and sheer size of an ant mound. Colossal, in some cases. The hive/colony mentality behind their efforts. Frightening.

All of that led to the reason I did not like them. I will not say the specifics of the incident, but I was left near an ant hill, with food on my face. Still to this day, the feeling of an ant crawling over my skin, makes me react in a less then graceful manner. Now, I still don’t like ants. Still hate them, but I can respect them for what they are. And, in understanding both the incident, and the ant, I recognize the reason, I feel the way I do about them. And I can tell myself, “It is an ant. It is doing what it does for the colony.” And I can keep myself calm and change the way I let myself react to the feeling they create in me. The ant, is the drop in the ocean.

If you create an ocean, from the bad things that happen, the actions of others, or the beliefs you think are true about yourself… Remember… They are drops in an ocean. It does not mean that you have to swim there. Look at that ocean, and now focus on one single drop… And ask “Why?” What is it about that drop, that makes you feel the way you do?

And you keep doing this, until you realize that you are no longer standing at the edge of an ocean, but a lake. And over time, that lake becomes a pond, which in turn, becomes a puddle. Until one day, you realize that there is just the road ahead of you. Of course it will rain on some days, but that is alright… It’s just rain…

Enjoy what you do.