Fear.

Now that I am trying to let myself be more vulnerable, I find that I do not like it. I fear it.

Old instincts scream at me from within, down in the deep dark, buried places, of myself. Those instincts are rebelling against what I am trying to do. Screaming at me to throw up defenses, and obstacles, that I am trying to keep down.

I know it’s fear.

It is the fear of the pain I am suffering. It is the fear of the pain I am going to suffer. It is the fear that I could lose hope. It is the fear that I am not believed about what I say, or how I feel.

It is the fear that the ghost I have been, is the only way that people that are important to me, will ever see me. It is the fear that, the ghost I have been, is how anyone will ever see me. I mean, if people couldn’t see me before, how will they now?

It is the fear that I will continue to stand.

Enjoy what you do.